garbage antics

Well I recently bought a new TV, and now it is time to have the old one hauled away.

Just as background, the old TV is a 52 inch rear projection model. Bulky, yes. But immovable? No. My wife and I can easily push this thing anywhwere we need it to go.

The first thing I do is check my township's rules on what they will take at the curb. After reading every brochure they sent to me and reviewing the web site, I know I am going to need to pay extra to have this TV hauled away. The township sells bulk item tags for large things like couches and refrigerators. I check my files and note that I don't have any bulk item tags. Actually I do have a bunch but they all have past due expiration dates on them. Funny how money and credit can actually expire with some organizations. Whatever. I digress.

So per the instuctions of my township, I call Waste Management. A very nice lady on the phone helps me to schedule the pick-up for one projection television. This goes down with no problem. They advise me to affix a $10 bulk item tag for pickup. Understood.

Since I have no legitimate bulk item tags, I run down to the township building to get one.

I walk in to the township office. "Can I help you?" says the lovely lady behind the desk.

"Yes, I’d like to buy a bulk item tag please."

A brief pause. It is very brief, but long enough to make me uncomfortable about my request.

"What are you throwing away?"

"A television," I reply. "What kind of a question is that?" I think to myself.

Another brief pause. "How big is it?"

"52 inch," I said.

Another pause. The woman shakes her head slowly. She gives me a look as if I should already know what’s coming. She's giving me the "not gonna happen" eyes.

"I’m sorry sir. The largest TV we can authorize is 44 INCHES."

Pause.

"It’s in our contract not to take anything bigger. It’s always been that way, even with Vogel [the previous garbage collector before Waste Management]." She pulls out a binder and points to a printed table of what they can and cannot collect.

"You’ll need to contact Waste Management to see if they have a service that you can pay for independently, or call around to find the best price for hauling that TV away."

So by now I'm getting kind of upset. I took time out of my day to make a special trip to the township building to buy a tag for an item that Waste Management is expecting to pick up at my house tomorrow. And now I've been denied said tag.

I made some kind of remark that included the number 44 and the word arbitrary. I was getting slightly heated and I think the lovely lady was sensing that, but I quickly calmed down and wished her a pleasant day.

From the township building, I got back on the phone with Waste Management. A friendly female voice answers the phone. I identify myself and ask if they could still take the TV despite the township contract.

"Sir, could you please hold?"

"OK, sure."

About five minutes later, which seemed like an eternity, the friendly voice returns.

"Sir, if you take the TV apart and put the pieces it in a box or boxes that way no more than 40 pounds each, then put the $10 tag on one of the boxes, we will take it."

I could not believe my ears. At this point, I cancel the pickup, citing that I don't know when I will have time to dismantle a projection television.

I told my wife of this conversation and she could only laugh. You see, the exact same thing happened to me over a couch in another township about 14 years ago. My garbage company would not take my couch, so my solution back then was to take a hand saw and a hack saw to the couch, break it into pieces, and bag the pieces and put the bags to the curb.

Other folks that I talk to have had similar experiences with our township and all their crazy rules on what they will and will not take. Some of their rules are no doubt legit, but why does it seem like we're always on the wrong side of the contract? PITA!!!